Top Ten Reasons North Korean May Have Selected Austin as a Strategic Target
Austin, Texas, Weekend Release March 29-31, 2013 — Since Austin, Texas is the home of the Global Language Monitor, we thought that we would shed some light on why Kim Jong Un might consider Austin a strategic target.
- A secret scholar of Middle English when the word wyrd (weird) meant fated. Hence, the ‘Keep Austin Weird’ slogan actually means ‘Keep Austin Fated’. Not good.
- Has a secret fear of endangered salamanders.
- Is really upset that the University of Texas and Texas A&M discontinued their ancient (and storied) football rivalry.
- So many Californians have migrated to Texas in the last few years that his NK advisers concluded that Austin was part of Cali.
- Mistook Austin for Dallas, one of the great fears of the Austinites.
- Has a strange aversion to hippie cowboys.
- Was not invited to a football tryout for Mack Brown’s UT squad.
- Heard that the Texas Capital is taller than that of the US.
- Fears Texas Governor Rick Perry as an adversary in his conquest for world domination.
- Figures that destroying Willie Nelson’s Armadillo World Headquarters will raise his world standing.