Top Ten Reasons North Korean May Have Selected Austin as a Strategic Target

Austin, Texas, Weekend Release March 29-31, 2013 —  Since Austin, Texas is the home of the Global Language Monitor, we thought that we would shed some light on why Kim Jong Un might consider Austin a strategic target.
  1. A secret scholar of Middle English when the word wyrd (weird) meant fated.  Hence, the ‘Keep Austin Weird’ slogan actually means ‘Keep Austin Fated’.  Not good.
  2. Has a secret fear of endangered salamanders.
  3. Is really upset that the University of Texas and Texas A&M discontinued their ancient (and storied) football rivalry.
  4. So many Californians have migrated to Texas in the last few years that his NK advisers concluded that Austin was part of Cali.
  5. Mistook Austin for Dallas, one of the great fears of the Austinites.
  6. Has a strange aversion to hippie cowboys.
  7. Was not invited to a football tryout for Mack Brown’s UT squad.
  8. Heard that the Texas Capital is taller than that of the US.
  9. Fears Texas Governor Rick Perry as an adversary in his conquest for world domination.
  10. Figures that destroying Willie Nelson’s Armadillo World Headquarters will raise his world standing.

The Editors


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